Someone recently asked me what my writing strategy is. Do I plan out posts, write them in advance, follow a formula or series? The answer is honestly – no – I rarely have a plan. I simply have a prompting from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it takes weeks for me to finish a post and other times it’s less than an hour. I have posted my heart and later felt I should take it down or edit what I wrote. I simply listen to the Lord..and when He says “write”…you’ll find me here. I’ve been silent here on the blog lately for this exact reason. God hasn’t prompted me as often as I hoped this summer. But, I started this blog out of obedience to Him and I want to continue to honor Him in all I do, including in what I write and share here.
We’ve been wrestling lately, God and I. He’s been messing with my heart and stirring me to choose boldness. To claim his promises as my own and trust him to provide in big ways that don’t look like my ways.
I’m also reading Anything by the founder of IF – Jennie Allen. In her book, she challenges us to pray the prayer – anything – I will do anything, God. Anything you want.
And that – is hard. When you are challenged to pray to a powerful, jealous, all-mighty savior who answers prayers and wants our utmost love and devotion – praying anything becomes the biggest challenge and the hardest decision. Because there are a lot of things I don’t want to give up. But I want to be so sold out for Jesus and show the world my mess because I want my neighbors and my friends and my co-workers to see this desperate mess be redeemed and used by God.
So, we wrestle. My faith is challenged. He shows me what I am holding closer to my heart than Him, and I try to give him almost everything. I reason. I barter. I try to be logical. But God isn’t logical. Mercy, grace, unconditional love, being sold out for something with intangible promises – that isn’t logical. So I can’t be either. Back to square one.
I am challenged because I know with Him I am capable of the impossible. So why do I limit myself to only the possible? Only the feasible? Looking back at His faithfulness, I am reminded of how desperately I needed him then, and how desperately I need him now. And he is prompting me to restlessness. I want to be messy, sold out, and invested in kingdom work. Loving God. Serving others. Walking in obedience.
I spent the first 21 years of my life being comfortable.
I spent the past 3 years of my life being uncomfortable.
And you know which one drove me to my knees and showed me just how desperately I need a relationship with Jesus? Which one took my faith and stretched it so far all I could do was put my trust in Him? Which one led me to community and relationships? Which one taught be to pray bold prayers? Which one helped me make my faith my own?
I don’t want to be comfortable. Because comfortable leads to complacency. And complacency towards God feels pretty lukewarm.
‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked’
As I am wrestling with praying anything I’m also realizing that prayer will lead me to the uncomfortable places God is calling. What perfect timing, God. Subtle isn’t your forte, is it?
Praying anything is scary and intimidating because there is risk. Small or large, risking anything from our simple comforts to our entire life is hard. It makes things uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable may look like:
Missionary work overseas
Sharing my testimony in the work place
Forgiving family members
Humbling myself in marriage
Choosing joy in the mundane
Serving a friend before attending to my own comforts
Giving up attending church 2 Sundays a month to serve
Making financial sacrifices in order to serve my family better
Volunteering and hurting with those who have little and need love
Writing a book
Starting a ministry or non-profit
Giving up one night a week to serve in a ministry or non-profit
…big and small things, but all equally significant kingdom work.
Have you ever wrestled with God?
What was the outcome – do you think it affected you faith to see the fruitfulness of obedience?
What makes you uncomfortable – have you ever felt God calling you out of your comfort zone?