God Sized Strength

What would happen in our lives if we lived in the absolute assurance that God’s strength is more than enough? What would happen if we not only believed that his strength was enough for us, but acted upon this truth?

For many months in my marriage I believed I was inadequate – and this is still something I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. I felt pain, isolation, embarrassment, and inadequacy. Pain of shattered trust. Isolation that comes with believing I was the only one with a hurting marriage. Embarrassment that I couldn’t keep it together. And inadequate to be the good, supportive wife my husband so desperately needed. I didn’t feel worthy enough of God’s time or attention, so instead I focused my efforts on fixing my marriage. I didn’t want to rely on God’s strength because I wasn’t living in the assurance that HE would be enough. I was afraid he wouldn’t fix me. I believed that his strength was enough, but I didn’t live that out in my daily interactions with God and with my husband. It was easier to be miserable but seemingly “in control” than it was to be living in freedom but trusting God with everything. What I quickly learned was that despite my efforts, I was living in a false reality that what I was doing was fixing our marriage. But God, in his goodness, was patiently waiting for me to run to him and surrender it all. Surrender my heart. My hurts. My trust. He was waiting then and he is waiting now, because he understands. He gets it.

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:15-16 [NLT]

I love that. Jesus’ lack of sin is the reason and the go-ahead for us to approach him boldly. He experienced all the hard stuff we do, and yet he remained pure and perfect and will continue in his steadfast love and mercy all of our days.

Jesus said “ I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 5:15

Apart from HIM we can do nothing. You can do nothing. I can do nothing. As scary and dark as that sounds, the more I think about it the more freeing it truly is. Because in our weakness, Gods glory can shine through. Failures are opportunities. In the big, and especially in the small.

Where I’ve admitted my own strength isn’t enough, God’s supernatural strength has been evident. It isn’t easy to give up control. It isn’t easy to trust God 100% and accept that without him, we are nothing. In our culture, we want to be something all the time. I saw that day after day in my marriage. I wanted to be the best wife. The solution. The one with all the answers. The superwoman who had it all together, all alone, without any help except her own. And do you know what happened? I failed. Miserably. And God picked me back up like a good friend and started showing me where I needed his strength and his grace. In the weakest places of my soul and in the most hurt places of my heart his strength was so readily available to me if I just chose to accept it.

I had to give up control of “fixing” my marriage and accept that God’s strength would be enough to restore our joy. I had to let go of the ideal marriage, where I was the perfect wife even in the most imperfect circumstances. I had to admit my weakness and let God supply the strength in every part of my life – not just in the big things like addiction and brokenness, but even in the smallest heart issues.

When I stopped trying harder and instead let God work in and through my weakness, things didn’t get easier – God doesn’t promise easier. But I felt more at peace and more confident in the purpose of this season of marriage. I began to see other areas of my life where God’s strength needed to be enough.

I love this song from Bethel – if you haven’t heard it yet, you can listen here.  It articulates so well what this entire season has taught me. When I got married, I didn’t know how to face a trial that sits like a pit in your stomach. I lived a very blessed, easy life for the first 21 years. And I am still extremely blessed and face few trials compared to some. I get that, and I am extremely thankful for all of Gods blessings. But coming out of a this season of marriage, God has give me a new understanding for what it means to need him and to be in a personal relationship/friendship with him. In the early months of our marriage, I was full but not satisfied. Thirsty but looking for water in the wrong places.  I’m still learning and I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m starting to let go and let God. To welcome him in first to the hurt and desolate places of my soul. To accept the peace . Because HE. IS. ENOUGH.

I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of you
I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever you want to

I’m standing knee deep
But I’m out where I’ve never been
I feel you coming
And I hear your voice on the wind

Would you come and tear down the boxes
That I have tried to put you in
Let love come teach me who you are again
Take me back to the place
Where my heart was only about you
And all I wanted was just to be with you
Come and do whatever you want to

Further and further
My heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like
Whatever may come I am yours
Further and further
My heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like
Whatever may come I am yours

Then you crash over me and
I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And you crash over me
I’m where you want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head

Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference
When I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference
When I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m beautifully in over my head

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2 thoughts on “God Sized Strength

  1. Thank you for such a beautifully written and transparent post about what real marriages that last look like. They are harder than we ever imagined, but God’s grace in the process is more precious than we ever hoped.
    Blessings,
    Debi

    Like

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