Brave

Have you ever been rock climbing? Last year while vacationing in Estes Park, CO my husband and I went to an indoor climbing gym on a rainy day to attempt rope climbing and bouldering. Back home we decided to go all in and purchase a membership to the local climbing gym. For the first few months, what came naturally to my husband left me paralyzed with fear. Who in their right mind climbs to the top of a rock wall, without ropes and without fear? Those who are brave, of which I am not. So many times I’d make it halfway up the wall, only to get stuck. Not because the route was too difficult but because my bravery didn’t match my ambition. What if I let go and slipped? What if I let go and failed? What if my own strength wasn’t enough? It was a frustrating, exhilarating and eye-opening few months! I have reached a point now where my bravery is beginning to outweigh my fear and it is easier to press on {up} when I feel the what ifs begin to creep in.  My husband and I joke all the time that this ‘activity’ has been good for me – pushing me to let go, be brave, and take a risk. In reality, so much of what goes through my mind while rock climbing mirrors what I feel when I am pushed out of my comfort zone in relational situations and in situations I don’t feel “good” at.

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Tracing the path of Gods faithfulness

Marriage is teaching me how to trust God with everything, and not dig up what I planted in faith. Growing up life was easy and I had things under control. Life was full of blessings and empty of trials. I am so thankful for those years and the precious memories I have. But in my easy-to-control world, I rarely felt the need to turn to God. I didn’t trust him in the big things or the small. So often I would lay my request before God and quickly snatch it right back by worrying about it and trying to solve the issue myself.

God has also used my marriage to teach me how to endure trials by resting under his protection. Early on, I was convinced God wouldn’t “get to” my requests because my life had been so easy up to this point. I even felt guilty for feeling so desperate for God’s help and for the encouragement of others – I believed that my problems, issues, and concerns weren’t worthy of anyone’s time and attention.

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Weekend Project – Double desk!

DESK

These days, there is a lot of work happening in the Watkins’ household! My husband is in seminary full-time through Liberty Online, and I am trying to blog more often and do my research on future endeavors my husband and I are considering. Since we moved into our new house, we have an office space/music room that we teach out of and where my husband does most of his school work. Unfortunately, this office space didn’t come with a new desk…so my 5’9″ man has been doing his work on the floor, at the kitchen table, or sitting at my frilly-white writing desk. Bless his heart! So, once we were settled I hit up Pinterest (dangerous, dangerous place!) to find some inspiration.  I started coming across double desks and knew that’s what we needed. A way for us to both work and spend time together!

This idea for a double long, double wide desk started with inspiration from Pinterest and a sketch! Keep reading for a simple DIY and inspiration I found around to blogging world!

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God Sized Strength

What would happen in our lives if we lived in the absolute assurance that God’s strength is more than enough? What would happen if we not only believed that his strength was enough for us, but acted upon this truth?

For many months in my marriage I believed I was inadequate – and this is still something I struggle with on a day-to-day basis. I felt pain, isolation, embarrassment, and inadequacy. Pain of shattered trust. Isolation that comes with believing I was the only one with a hurting marriage. Embarrassment that I couldn’t keep it together. And inadequate to be the good, supportive wife my husband so desperately needed. I didn’t feel worthy enough of God’s time or attention, so instead I focused my efforts on fixing my marriage. I didn’t want to rely on God’s strength because I wasn’t living in the assurance that HE would be enough. I was afraid he wouldn’t fix me. I believed that his strength was enough, but I didn’t live that out in my daily interactions with God and with my husband. It was easier to be miserable but seemingly “in control” than it was to be living in freedom but trusting God with everything. What I quickly learned was that despite my efforts, I was living in a false reality that what I was doing was fixing our marriage. But God, in his goodness, was patiently waiting for me to run to him and surrender it all. Surrender my heart. My hurts. My trust. He was waiting then and he is waiting now, because he understands. He gets it.

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New Years & New Truths

This season of life and marriage has proven to be a difficult one – it is not that things are inherently bad. They are just difficult. But I know God has his hand in this season just as much as any other, and I one-hundred percent believe that God will work all things for good, according to his purpose {Romans 8:28}. Although at times it is hard to accept that Gods purpose may be different than what I had hoped, ultimately my trust and faith rests on Gods plan, not mine.

As I was thinking about the past two years, I realized that so many of the “hard” things are fueled by lies from the enemy. How do we fight those lies? I had been trying with prayer. With discernment from wise friends and mentors. Through conversation and encouragement from my husband. But the one place where I haven’t turned often enough is Gods word.

Before anything else, you know what I had to accept? I don’t have to be a bible scholar to understand God’s word and to apply it to my life. I don’t have to use a commentary or know the context of each and every verse I read (although this is super helpful and history is interesting in this context!). God just wants us to come thirsty and willing, and to come often.

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Meal Plan Monday

 

It’s back to school this week for my husband and I. Don’t get me wrong, I feel so blessed that we both have great jobs and work the same schedule – but I will miss lazy mornings and the relaxed schedule we’ve enjoyed the last two weeks. I’m the type of person who either goes 100% or not at all, so the busy-ness of the semester wears me down. We had a wonderful, relaxing break full of entertaining in our new home, spending time with family for the Holidays, enjoying our new church, investing time in each other, and spending time in God’s word. But, back to reality!

I love planning our meals and trying out new recipes. But, this week is pretty simple as I am trying to clean out the fridge, eat clean to recover from all the treats and eating out during the holiday break, and ease myself back into waking up early/being busy/etc. My husband also got a charcoal grill for Christmas. Usually I do most of the prep and cooking because he is in seminary full time on top of working. He doesn’t go back to seminary for another TWO WEEKS though, so he is putting his new grill to good use this week and next!

Keep reading for our meal plan this week!

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